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The Secret of Happiness
4 Steps to a Happier Summer (and Life)

What does summer have in store?

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Imagine a bright, sunny summer day. You’re off work with little to do, and the sun is shining in the sky. But suddenly, something pops into your head.

You remember an assignment for work, you see someone with a nicer car, or you remember an annoying task you have to do. Your boss texts you; your friend got more likes on the same vacation post on Instagram, or the restaurant gives you the COMPLETELY wrong order — and spills a milkshake on your lap (whoops!)

The list is endless. “That’s life” as Frank Sinatra put it.

The solution wasn’t a different car, vacation, job, or restaurant.

The real secret? It’s how you REACT to things that makes all the difference.

You might not be able to change your reality, but you can 100% change how you react and deal with it. Your reality can really be shaped by your thoughts! An old expression says: “Think good and it will be good”.

Put it this way, we can’t always control the waves, but we have full control of how we respond to them. Surf the waves and be mindful in the challenge!

This summer I want you (yes you!) to try these four steps as you head on vacation or go about your day-to-day. See how it makes a difference.

🛑 Step 1: Be Present and Mindful

No matter where you go this summer, be present, be mindful, and be on vacation both physically and mentally. You can be on the beach in Oahu, but still be at work in your head. Give your body and mind a much-needed break. I learned these great two tricks using Headspace meditation:

If something unexpected pops up, remember to S.T.O.P:

• Stop what you are doing.
• Take a breath to center yourself.
• Observe the situation or thought.
• Proceed.

🤚The second trick is to H.A.L.T. and assess yourself:

• Hungry: Am I feeling hungry, which might affect my mood and judgment?
• Angry: Is there something that has made me angry and could potentially cloud my judgment?
• Lonely: Have I not taken enough time for myself or spent quality time with friends, leading to feelings of loneliness?
• Tired: Have I had enough sleep to have a clear mind and be my true self?

By pausing to evaluate these factors, you can make more informed decisions and ensure that your responses are not influenced by temporary states or emotions.

As I’ve written before, create that mental cushion between the stimuli and how you respond.

The more you practice it, the bigger that cushion will get over time. The only way to change is to really WANT to change. Once you create a true desire to do it, nothing can stop you.

✈️ Step 2: Responding Positively to Setbacks

“Each time I find myself flat on my face, I pick myself up and get back in the race” — Frank Sinatra

Let’s imagine you’re on a flight to Mexico, excited to enjoy the tropical scenery and indulge in fresh avocados. 🥑
You arrive at the gate bright and early, packed and ready to roll. Suddenly, an announcement is made: “AA Flight 720 to Mexico City is now canceled.” In this situation, two groups of people typically emerge:

Group 1 gets infuriated, tweets about it, tells all their friend, sheds a tier, then fumes up and complains. They get angry, stressed and tense.

Group 2? While Group 1 is still complaining, Group 2 has already taken action, found a new flight, and is calmly walking over to the new gate.

Same exact situation, different responses, different worldviews.

Every adventure has its beginning

🦶Step 3: The Power of Small Steps

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step” — Laozi

When I was in middle school I, like many kids, probably have heard or read this quote from Laozi (erroneously prescribed to Confucius).

Every venture, no matter how grand, starts somewhere. Whether it’s a startup like Amazon or Apple that began in a garage, or even starting a blog or business, progress begins with the first step.

At the beginning, a thousand miles may seem daunting — even impossible. A marathon? No way? 10K? 5K? How about just your first run?

Start with your first run, just your first step. That’s a win!

😊 Step 4: Finding Happiness in the Journey

In life, we all have visions of our destinations — whether it’s an amazing summer vacation with friends, finding a soulmate, buying a new house, achieving a certain financial goal, or landing a dream job. It’s an innate part of human nature.

However, it’s important to remember the timeless quote, “The journey is more important than the destination.”

I once heard a quote from Olympian Charlotte Drury, who faced a diabetes diagnosis a month before her first Olympic trials. During a conference speech, she shared profound wisdom:

"If you are happy on the journey, then you have arrived" — Charlotte Drury

This shift in perspective reminds us not to delay our happiness until we reach a specific milestone.

Don’t fall into that trap: I’ll be happy when… you get that new car, big house or new job. The secret to be really happy is to be happy on the journey. That’s real happiness.

You can even try this mental exercise: Close your eyes and imagine yourself looking to the future, with yourself actually getting that new car, house, job or whatever you wish. Close your eyes, I’ll wait.

Now, ask yourself, “And then what?” You have it now, but does it bring lasting happiness? Maybe in the moment, but in life, this pursuit of happiness is infinite. There will always be the next thing to accomplish, purchase, or destination to chase.

If you’re happy now, you’re already ahead of the rest.

I recently heard a similar version of the quote, rephrased:

“The journey is the destination.” — Unknown

This perspective further reinforces the idea that it’s not about thinking, “I will be happy on the journey, but the destination is what really matters.” Rather, it’s about recognizing that your entire life, with its ups and downs, IS the destination.

The “checkpoints” so to speak along the way serve as celebrations of the journey itself. It’s good to enjoy those too! Enjoy the good, but when times are tough, you should remember that this too, is part of the journey.

Would a movie be entertaining if the protagonist had no issues, and everything fell into place and went practically perfect in every way?

How about a video game where there were no challenges? No enemies to defeat, levels to conquer, puzzles to solve, or missions to accomplish? Just strolling through sunshine to the finish line. Sounds like a blast, doesn’t it?

Of course not. What makes a great film, video-game and life IS the perseverance, the growth through the struggle, the challenge, the journey. That’s what makes it fun, satisfying and enjoyable!

It’s funny how in real life, when faced with seemingly insurmountable struggles, people often give up. Yet, in a video game, they happily spend hours trying new strategies to conquer those challenges — and have fun doing it!

There is no greater joy in life than the feeling of overcoming an obstacle or challenge that you once thought was impossible.

The Secret

I’ve come to realize that the real secret of happy people, as well as a fulfilling life and success, is finding joy in the process.

Be happy in it. Cherish it. Be happy now and be happy with what you have. Don’t sweat the small stuff, as many put it. Don’t be fazed by external factors or people who put you down and tell you you can’t. They’re not on your path.

Look at how far you’ve come. Imagine the future with a smile and a confidence that you WILL conquer it. Celebrate your progress and the little things.

As you make your summer plans or enjoy that margarita in Mexico — or even an iced tea at work, take a breathe, smile and enjoy THIS very moment in your life story.

Remember, true happiness is not a destination; it’s a way of life.

Let go of the ‘I’ll be happy when’ mentality and find joy in the journey. Celebrate your progress and be grateful for what you have. In this very moment, savor the beauty of your life story.

In sum: Let happiness in. Now. Because — the past is but a memory. The future is just a possibility. Enjoy!

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If you enjoyed this article, consider liking, commenting and sharing. I really appreciate it! Originally published, gabesilverstein.com

Originally published July 12, 2023